Can anyone help me and give some advice besides criticize me?

kinda long, please bare with me, please help.


I am in a very stressful situation. i have 2 kids with a chick other than my wife. my ex can't stand the fact that i am happy with someone other than her. i never even wanted to be with my ex. i was with her on and off for two months then she found out i wanted to break up for good. so she punctured holes in some condoms when we were together and got pregnant. i didn't want to be a dead beat dad so i just stayed even though i hated the mom. time went by and i just couldn't do it anymore so i moved out and i still came to see my daughter. but she never let me see her often so i never really got to know her. a year later i was visiting and for some stupid *** reason i had sex with the mom and she got pregnant again but i didn't know this at the time. a few months later a met the woman of my dreams, she can cook, clean, play video games even better than me sometimes. she knew i had one kid and seemed okay with it. a few more months went by and i proposed to her. i told my ex i wanted to marry someone and she freaked out on me. so she cut off all contact between my kid and i. time went by and i got married on 7-7-07 we have been together for 3 years.


back to when my wife and i first met. when i told my ex i was engaged she decided to tell me she was pregnant. i thought she was lying and just trying to get me to come back again. and if she was i didn't think it was mine because she is a real wh0r3.


so now i am paying child support for two kids i never see and have no way of contacting them. i don't even know them enough to truly have feelings for them. it's like im paying for children i don't have. i have considered signing my rights away and continuing to pay the back support. im choosing to do this because i never see them and i want to have kids made out of love with my wife not forced entrapment. she knew i didn't want a kid so i used condoms, i didn't know at the time but she stopped taking her birth control pills, we were both too young, she could have had an abortion she knew we couldn't afford it either. she just wanted to trap me cause i feel im a nice guy. but yeah i want to have kids with my wife but she doesn't want any now because we can't afford it because of the child support and i already have 2. if i sign my rights away i can have the life i was suppose to have. and don't get me wrong if my daughters contact me in so many years i will try to explain to them how the mom is and practically made it so i don't know them, i don't have any money for courts because of the child support. even if i did fight to see them they live in another state. so my wife and i would have to quit our jobs pack up and move just try and be there. it's so unfair that she did this to me so she could try and ';keep'; me. the one time we did see them my ex was rubbing the fact that she has my kids and my wife doesn't in her face. i could go on more but i feel this is pretty long all ready. im just asking am i in the wrong? is my ex in the wrong for what she did? if anyone has anything they can say to help or i dunno give me their opinion on this situation.Can anyone help me and give some advice besides criticize me?
Well Jimmy, I feel your pain. It's been said experience is sometimes the best teacher, but renders the most shocking tuition bills. And it seems you're now on the installment plan.





There are some things I'm not clear on here %26gt; one being when I used a condom it's always a fresh one in a sealed package. So how could your ex opened the package, unrolled the condom, punctured the end, %26amp; resealed the package back up? That would be some trick worthy of a spot on the Unsolved Mysteries TV show.





You need a lawyer here to explain your legal rights. When you pay child support, which I'm guessing you call wife welfare, you have to realize there's no accounting for $ spent.





I'm paying for 2 also %26gt; but my ex is happy for me to take them off her hands. But as Judge Judy once explained, you're not paying support so you can see your children. You're paying so they can have the basics to live on.





As far as visitations go, you do have some vacation time right? Maybe a week or two off? Why not pick them up, %26amp; take them home? Perhaps you could also work something out for Thanksgiving %26amp; Christmas %26gt; alternate homes?





And Jimmy, just between you %26amp; me, most women today would take offense at ';she can cook %26amp; clean'; remark. She's working, household duties are supposed to be shared.





Good luck here %26gt; %26amp; if you can't afford a lawyer, get a hold of one who will take payments. I don't think you can disown your children %26amp; are no longer obligated to support them %26gt; unless you allow someone else to adopt them.





Can anyone help me and give some advice besides criticize me?
just tell here way you feel on about this
I really feel bad for your kids. Their mom is a loser! She is a peice of work! The kids are always the ones to get hurt and have low self esteem because of it. A similar situation happened to me where my husband had a one night stand and had a son with a girl he had no intentions of marrying. After he and I started dating, his ex girlfriend said she would not allow my now-husband to see his son if he married me. So she kept him from seeing us and yes we paid child support to her for years, eventually he gave up his parental rights and her new husband adopted him. The baby is now an adult, we have never really gotten to know him because of his mother. We never see him and my husband doesn't really feel a connnection with him because he doesn't know him. My husbands family thinks he is a loser for not calling him, but now that he is an adult he doesn't try to contact us either-it is a really weird situation. Any way you should give up your parental rights if you feel like you should only because the sleez is keeping the kids from you, it is out of your control-she thinks she can dicatate anything because she has the kids. Just tell her';Do what you gotta do'; I like your honesty and good luck to you!
Did you go before a judge to decide on the child support? It is very highly unusual for a man to pay child support and not be allowed to see the children. What is compelling you to pay child support?


You definetely need a lawyer, explain the whole situation and get the lawyer to persuade the judge to allow visitation. He may be able to make the mother prove how she spends the money with receipts. (if you feel they are doing without)


I think that you will be sorry down the road if you sign away your rights as father. Since they ARE your children. If you get visitation, you WILL grow to love them.


Also, put yourself in their place, when they are older they could have problems if they think that daddy didn't even want us.


Anyway, I hope this helps sweetie.
WELL I DONT HAVE KIDS BUT YES I DO THINK WHAT UR EX DID WAS WRONG.ACTAULLY THATS SUM REAL F***ED UP STUFF.AND I DONT BLAME YOU FOR WANTING TO HAVE KIDS OUT OF LOVE BUT I ALSO THINK THAT U SHOULD LOVE UR KIDS NO MATTER WHAT AND TRY TO FIGHT FOR CUSTODY.SO IM KINDA IN BETWEEN ON THIS ONE.SORRY I COULDNT BE MORE HELP.
You shouldn't give up your rights to your children, they will ask themselves everyday why their own father didn't love them.





Here's a link to some beginning info on father's rights. At the bottom is a list of books that can help. Go to the library and check some of them out, fight back, your kids are worth it.





http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fathers_rig…
What you really need is professional help. You obviouly have commitment problems and it is obvious its all about ';YOU';.





From reading what you want in a wife, you're not looking for a soul mate, your're looking for a mother or a maid.





You need to one; grow up, and two start acting like a man.





You have deep rooted problems that will need to be addressed by a real professional not us key-board-shrinks. This is real. You are about to hit the wall. Get help before you crash.





I know you said you don't have any money so look in the phone book and contact a help line that may direct you to professional help.





Some people in your situation seek out religion.





The bottom line is you need to do something other than what you've been doing. You are confusing sex for love and getting deeper and deeper in hot water.





If you're not thinking about yourself and your future think about those women and kids you are hurting.





You can sit in front of your PC and tell us this stuff but what you really need to be doing is looking for real help.
You have to think about the children's best interest. This isn't about you or her. It's about them. As I told my ex (in front of the judge) You don't have to like me...you have to deal with me and it's in our daughters best interest you do it like an adult.


Ask yourself what is really best for these kids. They didn't ask for this and will grow up with the consequences of both of your actions.
hiya, some people are very quick to judge, take no heed. i dont have any advice really but would you not fight to have some access to your kids. i am 36 and i have not seen my mother for 32 years. she was into drink at the time we went to live with our dad. i do sometimes wish she had of fought to see us. what i think is you should fight till you have no fight left to see your kids. otherwise you will have regrets. and when you have kids with your wife at least they will know their siblings. take care and be happy no matter what you do.
We allmake or made mistakes in our lives but that doesnt matter much here now. Alot of legality things missing here like do you have a court order forcing you to pay? If so, what about your visitation rights? Who allowed her to move out of state with the kids, she needed either your or the courts written permission to do so? She should have made a new visitation schedule for you to move. You can always contact your local legal aid association for free if needbe. Theres alot legally you can do here if you only choose to do so
Never been there mate I feel for ya but the only thing I can say is If I ever have kids I wouldn't want to be left out of their lives%26gt; I beleive your a good bloke but you have to decide if you can win the fight and go for it or not. Wish I could help but when all else fails you know what to do in your heart.
You are not a bad person , just a confussed person. you have already made your bed weather or not she set you up for this or not. children never ask to be born, but sometimes they are born to parents who aren't ready to be parents. your children need a father just as much as your future children do. money is not always an excuse as to why you are not there. there are ways for you to get visitation and or partial custody. With partial custody there is no excessive child support and you get to see your children. i grew up with a father that i saw maybe once every 2 years and now that i am grown he wants to be in my life.


it is too late now that i have gotten used to being without him. it angers me that when i needed a dad he was not there. you do not want your children hating you.


so i say that to say this, even though they came unexpectedly they are here and they are part of you. you ex sounds vicious and you don't want her filling them with hate towards you. Get to know your babies and love them, they are a piece of you and a extention of your life. this is how we carry on after we are gone. you will make a decesion, be it right or wrong it is yours to make.
WELL THE KIDS R URE N HER RESPONSIABILTY..U HAD FUN MAKING THEM,,AND NOW U JUST WANT TO THROW THEM AWAY,,URE A BIGGER LOOSER THAN SHE IS,,FIGHT FOR THEM,,MOVE CLOSE TO THEM,,THAT WOULD REALLY PISS THE WITCH OFF,,DONT THROW URE KIDS AWAY..PEACE
i would not give up perintal rights because that is something that she will use against you in the long run and yes i think she was wrong for putting the holes in the condoms however you was wrong for going back to hve sex with her and you knew it was over between the two of you im sure it can get very exspensive with trying ti visit the kids but i would not give up on the kids and start a nice life the way you feel it was suppose to be as you said the kids with the ex has nothing to do with the mistake of being with there mother go to the family court and ask about a fee waver it's for low-income families also im more then sure you can also represent your self go to your local libariy and do reserch on the family law in th estae that your in as well as the state that she is in and demand visitation rights and give your kids the life that they are supose to have when they come and visit with you and your wife and it sounds that you have a very understanding wife taht will stand bty your side so ask her how would she feel if you was to represent your self to get visitation rights with the kids and go for it and if your wife is not ready for kids it could be the fact that she see how fast your ready to consider giving up your kids with the ex she might feel that you will do that to her giving up rights is just like putting your child on teh door step and saying take of my kids and then you ride off into teh sun set and have a nice life with your wife and the kids are for gotten about and you feel good about things with the kids as long as you give them a check just ask your self how would you handle them kids asking you years from know daddy why did you give us up and why are u so connected with the kids you and your wife have daddy i feel that you gave them the life me and my little sister was supose to have do you really think you can handle that by the way all girls need there dads in there life even if you just pick up the phone and say good night and good morning and if teh ex will not let you do that keep phone records and and use them when you represent yous self in court to show your efforts to try to be in there life i hope things work out good luck keep us posted pls
Well first off if they are being treated in this way you should fight for custody. You could call child services to have them investigate your ex and the children's living conditions. I do not what to tell you but when you have kids you have to be responsible for them no matter how you feel. Think how they will feel when they grow up to know about this. How would you feel if you found out you were not wanted? All I can tell you is that you need to support your children and get a lawyer to fix things that are not working. You should have visitation. Work it out for the children they are innocent.



Don't really know what to say apart from if there your kids whether you wanted them or not the fact remains they are yours so therfore you should pay something, if you really wanted to be apart of their lives then you would go through the courts and look into finding jobs near where they live or through the courts come to an arrangment that you have part o fthe year.
Well, if you have no contact, I don't know how you know where the child support really goes.





OK, I guess sense you don't see the kids, I'd give up my rights as the father too. If the ex isn't even letting you see them, she has already put in their heads that your a dead beat dad anyways. IF the kids someday come to find you, you can explain to them your side of it, but I'd be sure I didn't ';slam'; their mom, even if she's a whore in your words.