We are open and honest about puberty. She knows what to expect. She cries, whines about changes she is experiencing now. She says, ';I don't want to go up, its not fair!'; ';It's digusting!';.At 11 my daughter is upset about growing up. Any advice on how to help her transition a little more happily?
My cousin had this exact problem, unfortunately, her parents were not as concerned as you and left her to be looked after by others.
I think it's fair that you are worried, and I think it's good that you are clear with your daughter about puberty.
There are books that you can buy/order to help young girls cope with puberty and growing up
e.g. http://www.amazon.com/Deal-Whole-Approac…
I think that explaining to your daughter that puberty has just as many good things as bad
%26amp; tell her that everyone is going through it, and that your daughter is growing up and will one day be like her Mum.
Hope I helped :)
Good luckAt 11 my daughter is upset about growing up. Any advice on how to help her transition a little more happily?
Uh, maybe you've been TOO descriptive about everything and as kids naturally do, she knows a little and is expecting the worst.
American Girl has some really fun books (not the ones that are part of their historical girls series) about growing up that speak to girls about real life things in real life talk on their level. Maybe something like that will help her know she's not alone. It also sounds like her comments are the words of somebody who is uncomfortable with or is embarrassed and that's just her way of ending the conversation. That does NOT mean she doesn't want the information, she's just experiencing overload. Give her books that you approve but that are on HER level. She can get good info and you can continue your ';training'; that way.
Another possibility is that at 11, she's probably not yet started her period and she's probably scared of what it will look and feel like, and how it might change her ability to DO normal every day things. I just found out one of my daughter's friends just quit the swim team (that she absolutely loved and did for years) because she has recently started and doesn't know how to handle it with her period. Lack of information.
Wow, you caught on. It happened to me at that exact age, my mom never really did anything though.
Get her a journal. It's a great tool, not one of the cheap plastic one's either. This is for a MATURE young lady, right? (winkwink) Let it fit her personality, the colour, the pattern (if any) the fabric (if you see her being someone not the fabric type, a cheap leather is SOOO awesome, really), and make sure it has a book mark attached. And a pen - don't go all out on the pen, it'll run out of ink, but it'k just a nice accessory to go with the journal. I'm calling it a journal because when she was younger she most likely called it a diary, since she's maturing it's only natural to call it a journal unless she otherwise dubs it.
This isn't for any other reason other than your daughter is maturing, and she isn't going to to tell you or anyone else eveything that's on her mind at all points in time. Even her own friends. She's growing, physically, mentally, and emotionally, and a lot of people today are mistaking that with kids acting out against parents or just being depressed. This way she can write down anything she wants, real or imaginary, and not feel ashamed about being a big girl or little one. that's the transition phase she won't know what to do with, even though you constantly remind her she can go to you with anything, she wont always, and that's just a part of growing up.
Good luck.
It is disgusting, but Im happy that she knows already, I started going through puberty at 9, and didn't know anything about it before hand, so I think that you are doing a good job so far.
I was the opposite when I was younger, I couldn't wait to grow up, now I wish that I was young again.
I would just remind her of all the things that she has to look forward to, that she has to grow up to be able to do.
Well, you may have gone into too much detail with 'the talk'. Give it a bit of time.
It is hard for a child to LOOK at an adult and actually think and realize that the parent or adult was a child once too.
Do you have lots of photos from when you were her age?
Show them to her, tell her about your times and life at 11 yrs old (even if you can't remember them all that clearly, just wing it and pull generalize memories from that time). Explain to her that some aspects of it can be well, disgusting, but the fact is that you went thru it first so you could have her as a baby! Draw upon your own experiences and share with her - you'll make a connection that you can use for communication later on in this mother-daughter relationship.
Don't dwell too much on the mechanics of it at this point (the monthly bleeding, etc). Dwell on the aspects of upcoming freedom and adulthood. When you grow up you can drive a car..that's freedom! You can date and travel and all that stuf that she can't do by herself now. You know, just go with your common sense.
You can skip the parts about drunken college parties and all that stuff right now. That may be more info than she can digest.
I went through that. still do actually for me it isn't so much i didn't like the changes, it was just the fact that ';hey, in four years I will be twenty years old'; it's kind of scarry, and even though the liberty is enticing, we've been taken care of our entire life, and it now sooner than later that we will be leaving all that behind. I know this doesn't give an answer, but it may give you some insite into her mind.
P%26gt;S. telling her it's okay to still like kid things is a GREAT idea! I'm allways happy to know that even when I move out I can hang onto starwars anime and stufed animals
Kids seem to have a lot more peer pressure at a much younger age nowdays and if you read some of the questions in adolecents on this board you will see why.
I do not blame her for wanting to stay a child, it is safe, Mom and Dad are in charge and you don't have to deal with all these weird feelings and people, your peers are pressing you to move into territory you aren't ready for. They tease you and call you a baby because you don't want to have a boyfriend and are not remotely interested in sex.
Check out her school, her friends at school, talk with her teachers and see what her enviroment is. Enroll her in a kids club, girl scouts, 4H, something where she can relax a bit and be a kid.
Well tell her it's a fact of life. We grow up, and we get older. Tell her the perks of growing up. When she turns 16, she gets to drive, when she turns 18 she can buy a lottery ticket. When she turns 21, she can buy a drink. Also, all the perks of having a job, and being able to buy things. And perks of puberty, you become a woman and one day she can have children of her own. ;D Hope this helps.
this is an awesome question to which i don't have the answer but i look forward to reading some insightful and intelligent answers, hopefully...
perhaps you can let her know how beautiful it is to become a woman and all the power that comes with it! the ability to create life for example.
ps- huge props to the miley cyrus idea, if not miley, fill in the blank ...
Tell her the good things about growing up. ex. ';Growing up means staying up late!'; And explain to her she can't really stop from growing up. Tell her it will just come and go and that soon she'll get used to it. Possitive things about growing up can really help her and make her well not fell as bad. Growing older is experiencing new things and getting new advantages!☺
I went through the same thing around that age, the only cure I found was time and girls. . .or in this case boys.. . which will probably upset her more than growing up.
I guess the best thing is to let her cling some of her childhood for as long as she wants, I'm 37 and I still love cartoons, Star Wars and action figures.
Tell her everyone has to eventually and that she has a long time to be a child still! Share with her your stories about going through puberty, growing up, ect. Let her know, Yeah they suck but trust me they get better, and you get used to them. But most of all tell her ';Your still a little kid! And you should enjoy it to the fullest!';
Don't let her grow up too fast.
Good luck to you and yours.
Awww, I totally remember feeling that way. It's something we all have to go through, some are just more resistant than others. I am 26, and STILL wish I was a kid sometimes:). Just make sure to always be open for her to talk with, be non-judgemental..and spend as much time with her as you can. Tell her some of the GREAT things about growing up!
I'm 12 and used to feel the same way!
I still don't look forward to secondary school, lol!
Tell her that as an adult, she'll have everything she had now and SO much more. the gift of being able to give life, pets of
her own, a job, a driving license, more time with her friends etc. Her hormones are raging. Think of what you were like at that age. Maybe she has a friend to talk to who feels the same way? We'd all love to stay a child forever, but it WON'T HAPPEN! Maybe tell her the perks of growing up,like someone said, a pro's and con's sheet would be great!
Tell her I send my love! Good luck to both of you!
XXX
yeahhhh, i said that too to my mom when i was that age.
and i actully felt totally opposite.
its because she's embarassed that you'll think she's a weirdo for liking ';becoming a woman';.
and DON'T say ';becoming a woman';. it's really uncomfortable.
but dont worry, by the time she is 13-14, she'll relax.
Yes, this is normal. Kids are just not ready to grow up, and don't know what will happen. Once they begin to realize things, they can sometimes get scared. Just explain to her that she is going through a normal stage of life, and that you are open with her if she wants to tell u anything.
ahaa.
well i was just thinking about myself growing up too fast.
like im fourteen i got my period a couple months ago i got boobs when i was 11. like its hard. sometimes i think life is passing right before my eyes but its kinda a good thing like getting my drivers license and stuff like that. just remind her that everyone grows up and that she will have you and her family and her friends there for her when she needs help.
okay, so the first 3-4 responses are childish, but the very first response was is true- from a girls' point of view- i honestly didn't puberty (i hated it) but i learned that puberty is a part of life- to help your daughter, give her time, she should learn to accept reality.
Tell her, ';Do you want to be a baby your whole life?'; because puberty is changing from baby to teen.
I'm 11, in 6th grade. I had typed a whole two paragraph on how to deal with this, but I accidentally pressed ';Cancel';.
But I hope you can help your daughter.
Maybe it has to do with the way you are explaining growing up to her. Are you making it sound scary or exciting? Try to explain why it is exciting...including additional benefits she will get as she gets older (such as bigger allowance, more free time with friends, etc.)
well tell her no matter how old she grows she's still gonna be herself... i mean she'll still do the things she loves.. like maybe watching cartoon or whatever .. i mean im 17 and i still watch cartoons and play silly games lol ... growing older is just experiencing new things! (and a lot of other crap stuff too lol) tell her she'll be able 2 driiive.. go 2 uni.. all the stuff kids usually look forward to! =)
Tell her the great things Like driving and staying over with friends or going to movies by self and alot of other things like that. Then say you cant do those things without the others and let her see how much the good outweights the bad. Maybe even make a pros and cons sheet
honestly the best answer is to just drop the subject for now. you presented her with whats going to happen, and while she does not like it, there is no way of stopping it.
let her come to terms with growing up, she will find peace with it in time.
Well, I told my niece that if when you have your period you turn more beautiful. The period makes you more beautiful. Which is true. Women who don't have periods have drier skin and age more quickly. I told her even Miley Cyrus gets one.
She's just exaggerating
If she hangs around with other girls she'll realize...it's normal..
Just let her complain
Try to make it less of a big deal but if she continues...then okay.
Tell her the pros of becoming a woman...and that every girl goes through it.
i was looking forward to it, until it happened obviously. Basically you should give her support and tell her that its a part of life and to get anywhere you have to move on, spend time telling her about the teenage part of life
we all have to go through it and its better you just let her deal with it as it will make her a stronger person in the future, just tell her its not discusting its life and if she wants to have children when she's older then it has to happen
Um tell her that its sad Okay um telll her um to live the teen years before she grows up so if she crys tell her ur crying even when u have 9 years o be growned up if thats how you want to live yor teen years then do it.
you have 7 more years of childhood it may seem like not a lot of time but it is, tell her too look forward too the future. yay spring break. yay tv 2nite. yay summer break.
Tell her about all the fun stuff about growing up like when shes 16 she can get a drivers license and she can get a job and raise money for herself and all tht kind of stuff
Do nothing. Do absolutely nothing. Do abso-friggin-lutely nothing. I mean, just nothing at all. Not a friggin thing. Don't do anything. Not a thing at all.......
